


Always

by angel_authoress



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 14x12 coda, Angst, Coda, Episode: s14e12 Prophet and Loss, Fluff, M/M, Missing Scene, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 21:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17691473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_authoress/pseuds/angel_authoress
Summary: Cas tries to convince Dean not to go through with his plan.





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> oof it's been a while since I've written for supernatural, let alone destiel so i'm probably a little rusty with these two characters
> 
> anyway enjoy this cruddy little self-indulgent fic i wrote bc after the last episode i was underwhelmed and in need of dean and cas having an actual conversation that lasted longer than 30 seconds, so. here you go i guess.

When Sam called him saying he needed help with something, Cas had tried to get him to elaborate, but he'd refused. 

 _“Just get here, please,”_ he had said. _“It’s important.”_

Sam sounded tired. His voice was hoarse, almost like he'd been crying.

But despite the lack of details, that call was all it took to have him hauling ass over to Donna's cabin- worried and confused and wondering which one of them was about to die this time.

When he arrived, Sam was outside waiting for him, appearing distraught- nowadays that seemed to be the only expression he wore.

“I came as fast as I could,” Cas said as he stepped out of the car. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s uh,” Sam ran a hand over his face. “It’s Dean.”

Cas blanched, his heart dropping into his stomach. “What has he done now?”

“Billie came to see Dean,” he started, shifting nervously on his feet, almost as if he feared Cas' reaction. “She said that there was only one way to keep Michael from escaping Dean’s mind.”

“Billie? But why would she… I thought Dean was keeping him at bay?" 

“He was, but he said he could feel the door giving. He said that it could break at any second and that he didn’t-“ Sam paused to gather himself, briefly casting his eyes down at the ground. “He _wouldn’t_ give Michael the chance.”

“No,” Cas said frantically, “no, what did he do Sam? What did he do?”

“He built this- this box,” Sam said. “A-And he’s gonna… gonna trap himself in it and… h-have the box dropped into the Pacific.”

Dread crept up his body, starting at his feet and traveling slowly upward until he felt it sitting thick and heavy in his stomach and chest. He felt sick. “Where is he now?”

“Inside, talking to mom. She won’t be able to talk him out of it. No one can. Not me, not you, not Jack.”

“Didn’t you at least try?”

“Of course I did!” Sam shouted defensively, raising his voice a bit louder than he intended. He then cleared his throat, looking down at his feet as if he were ashamed. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “I did try. But he… when Dean sets his mind on something you can’t stop him. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”

Cas knew that feeling all too well. He had told Dean time and time again that Dean couldn’t save him because he didn’t want to be saved.

Well, he was about to be a huge hypocrite.

Sam looked to be on the verge of tears- teetering on the precipice of a complete meltdown. Cas couldn’t, nor _would_ he blame him. “The least I can do is help him, you know? Since I can’t stop him.”

“Let me talk to him.”

“Cas-“

 _“Let me_ _talk to him.”_

Sam heaved a sigh and reluctantly took a step aside, allowing him access to the door. “He might still be talking to Mom-“

Cas ignored him as he stepped inside to search for Dean.

He didn’t have to search for long. He found him standing in the kitchen, holding a beer, clearly looking distressed. Mary was nowhere in sight- she must be upstairs. Cas made a mental note to check on her later.

“Cas,” Dean started, setting his beer on the counter. “What are you-“

“You thought I wouldn’t find out?” Cas stormed into the kitchen- Dean swore he could see grace flickering in his eyes. “You were just going to doom yourself to an eternity in the ocean without telling me?"

“That’s not…” he trailed off, looking guiltily at the beer next to him. He tried to protest, but the knowing expression on his face gave him away. “I’m not good at goodbyes, okay?” he finally said. He wanted to wince after he realized it came out snappier than he'd meant it to.

Cas’ eyes narrowed. He dared to step closer- closer than they usually were. He was treading a dangerous path, moving in so close, but he couldn’t find it within himself to care at the moment. “You would have _died,_ Dean, and Jack and I wouldn’t have even gotten to _see_ you before you went and threw yourself into the ocean, all because you’re _not good at goodbyes?”_

“Cas-“

Cas wasn't going to let Dean talk his way out of this. Not again. There was too much left unsaid between them for him to risk letting Dean weasel his way out of a conversation. “No, you are going to stand there and shut up and _listen to me.”_

Dean appeared to be skeptical, as if he was expecting Cas to give him some cliché spiel about needing him. That only infuriated Cas further- the fact that Dean looked at him with such expectant eyes, like he knew exactly what Cas was going to say and knew exactly how he was going to deflect it.

It ignited a flame within him. A flame of anger.

“Listen to me Dean. I understand. More than _anyone_ , I understand. I have been exactly where you are and you _know_ that. I remember telling you that I didn’t want to be saved, and I know that that’s what you’re thinking right now. But you… you didn’t listen to me and you _tried_ , _over_ _and over_ again to save me. Regardless of whether or not it worked, you _tried._ For _me._ Why can’t you let us try for you?” He stepped closer, speaking a bit softer this time. “Let _me_ try for you?”

“Cas…” Dean’s voice sounded uncharacteristically soft, somber- like he couldn’t say any more without choking up.

Nonetheless, Cas remained firm on his stance, refusing to waver despite Dean's odd silence. “And don’t give me the ‘I’m not worth it’ crap. I’m pretty sure we’re past that, aren’t we?”

“The door could give any minute,” Dean finally said, his voice low. Everything he'd been fighting since he'd sealed Michael away in his head came tumbling out of his mouth uncontrollably. “I can  _feel it,_ Cas. Feel _him_. H-He’s there and he’s _screaming_ , _banging_ on the door. It feels like he’s hitting the back of my skull every second of every day. I can’t _take it anymore._ I can’t take it…”

“...Then _please_... let us help you,” Cas placed a hand on his shoulder. “Please. We can do it. We can help you, Dean. All you have to do is hold out a little while longer and we can _fix this._ It doesn’t have to be like this.”

“Yes it does,” Dean argued, “Billie said-“

“Who _cares_ what Billie said?! If there is one thing I’ve learned during my time here on Earth, during my time with _you,_ it’s that fate is subject to change. You can change your fate Dean. You can’t just resign yourself to… to _this_.”

Dean briefly closed his eyes, like he was holding himself back, before he let out a long breath. “Cas. I can’t, okay? I can’t… can’t risk it. I’m sorry. The second that door breaks, it’s the end of us all. If Michael gets out and slaughters the human race all because I was too much of a coward to do this, I will _never_ forgive myself. I’ll have to live with that mistake for _eternity_ while Michael keeps me locked in my own head, drowning me for the rest of time.” He reached up and gently removed Cas’ hand from his shoulder. His hand moved down to grip Cas’ wrist. It twitched, almost like he wanted to move it lower, but he released it with a small huff. “I can’t do that. I can’t. I’m not strong enough for that. But I just might be strong enough to do this. This is all the strength I have left. So please don’t take this from me, Cas, _please_ …”

No.

 _No_.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

It wasn’t supposed to end like this.

Driven to desperation, in a heated moment Cas threw all caution to the wind, consequences and regrets be damned. He reached up to cup both of Dean’s cheeks with his hands, bringing their faces close together, closer than they'd ever been. The dangerous path they'd been treading on and off again for the past ten years had finally reached a crossroads. Now it was up to him to choose the next path.

“If you don’t have enough strength, then I’ll lend you mine.”

He didn’t give himself time to hesitate. He pressed his lips to Dean’s in a rushed but fervent kiss. He poured everything he felt into it, everything he wanted to say, he said with the heat of his mouth. It would take eons for him to tell Dean everything, and Dean had always appreciated actions more than words. He could only hope that this would be enough.

He was abruptly cut off as Dean shoved him away.

Panic settled like a heavy weight in Cas’ chest as the reality of the situation hit him. He’d just _kissed_ his best friend, first and foremost, but moreover he had no idea if Dean even felt that way. Was he disgusted? He’d essentially just confessed how he felt- what if Dean felt uncomfortable or-

“Cas…” Dean’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Jeez… what... what the hell am I supposed to do with that..?”

Cas put the thought that he might have just ruined their friendship aside for now. “...You don’t have to do anything with it if you don’t want to,” he said earnestly. “I just wanted you to know. Frankly, you’ve gone far too long without knowing... because I was too cowardly to tell you. You deserve better than this. I should be able to tell you these things… when the world isn’t in danger…” Cas took a few steps back to put some space in between them once again. “I apologize. I’ve crossed the line. If you’re uncomfortable, I understand.”

“No!” Dean blurted. “I mean, uh… no. No, I’m not… not uncomfortable.” If not for the poor lighting in the cabin then Cas would’ve seen the slight pinkish hue that his cheeks were tinted with. “No. It's all good. Really.”

“You don’t seem like you’re very comfortable-“

“Of course I’m- I mean…” _Fuck_ , he was stammering like a lovestruck schoolgirl. He felt like he was in a bad romcom, with the way he was stuttering and blushing. “I’m fine. It’s just… this is why I hate goodbyes, you know? Everything we’ve both left unsaid for years comes up and now… now I…”

_Now Dean was second-guessing himself._

Why did he feel terrible? Wasn’t this what he wanted?

“…I apologize for making you feel that way. I just... want you to choose _life_ , Dean,” Cas urged, his voice twisted with an oncoming sob that he was trying so desperately to hold back. “You don’t have to choose me, or Sam. I want you to decide that you are worth trying to save. I want you to choose _you._ ”

Dean met his eyes- he had only ever felt this exposed in front of Cas once- and it was back when they first met. When Cas had looked him directly in the eye and said _“you don’t think you deserve to be saved”._ He dug his way through every layer of his very being and read him like an open book. Now he felt like it was happening all over again, but on a much deeper level, a level that only he and Cas could hope to understand.

He hadn’t even realized he was crying.

“Shit,” he muttered low under his breath, turning his head to wipe at his eyes and cheeks. “Damn Cas, got me bawling like a baby over here…”

“That was not my intent.” Concerned, Cas lightly placed a hand on Dean’s cheek to wipe away the tears that had fallen. “Are you alright?”

“I'm not-“ He paused to sniffle. “I’m not sad. I think I’m just… really happy..? But I don’t- I don’t know _why_ -“

“Do humans usually cry when they’re happy?”

Dean turned to look just in time to see him do that stupidly adorable head-tilt-squint thingy and he couldn’t help but let out an airy laugh. He had no right to be this cute at a time like this. It was ridiculous to think that Cas could change the tone of any situation just by doing something mildly nerdy or adorable but _damn_ , he most certainly could.

“Sometimes,” he answered. He wiped at his eyes again. “Jeez… what am I supposed to do now?”

“…You could trust in us. Trust in yourself. Have faith. And, if you will allow it…” Cas stepped closer, offering a sunny smile, the same one that always caused Dean to reflexively smile back. “Have me?”

Dean blinked slowly, as if processing his words, before a vibrant smile stretched across his lips. “You’re… such a dork, Cas.” He gently grabbed his wrists to pull him into a loose but warm embrace.

“So… I take it that this means that you’ve decided to stay?”

“…For now.” Dean pulled back ever so slightly to grin teasingly. “If you’ll have me, that is.”

“Always, Dean.” Cas leaned forward to gently rest his forehead against Dean’s. “Always.”

There was still more they had to talk about, more that needed to be said. But Dean was here now, and he wasn't going anywhere. 

And that was all that mattered. 


End file.
